2004 was a terrific year. My wife Lisa and I were expecting a child and moving out of Boston at the same time. I was present enough in my life to recognize that although these huge changes were good things, change has aspects of real terror attached to them. Becoming a father was full of concern and stress. Will I do okay? Who am I now? What will I become?
So, with that in mind, I loaded up the 5×7 camera and played around with it. I didn’t have a major agenda and the images I made pretty much sat around for ten years before I really looked at them. I just started scanning and processing them now. I’m now 45, Lisa has been dead for seven years, our child celebrated her 10th birthday last year, and I remarried five years ago. With that came a boy, who is now a 16 year-old young man- staring down the barrel of colleges, driver’s licenses, and being a junior in High school.
Here’s what I know, here’s what these pictures tell me: creating and understanding are not the same thing. I made these images out of anxiousness. It gave my mind something to think about instead of the tidal wave of change I felt my life was about to undergo. Creating something fueled by the energy of change is proper use of the will.
I don’t have any profound insight beyond that. Maybe their message is not meant for me?
